Hunger.
Sometimes, this is how I feel: lost, wandering, searching.
Twenty-one years old and starting college, starting to get my life back together. Determined, beyond any inkling of a doubt that dances in my brain, to make something of myself. To push past my obstacles, make hard decisions, learn from my mistakes, and to try and live without regret. It sounds heavenly, right?
Just maybe, my budding mind thinks, Just maybe if I think I can then that will be good enough. If I close my eyes, ball my fists, and think really really hard all that I want will simply fall at my feet. God — what a dream.
It’s been about three months since school started, and as I predicted, my outlook on life has completely changed. Six months ago, I felt completely and utterly alone: my friends away at college, my mom still calling me up for dinner, my unrelenting and unquenched sex drive soaring, and my head thick as mud with negative thoughts about myself, the world, and Donald fucking Trump. Most days I was simultaneously tired, angry, listless, and bored — a walking amalgamation of my broken thoughts.
I slogged through my minimum wage job, passing bottle rockets of caffeine through a drive-thru window populated mostly by bigots in Teslas and Tennis mom’s in Range Rovers, silently reciprocating all the snide remarks thrown at me as they drove away.
But now, I have to say that things have improved. Through school and education, I have met a countless number of amazing people, improved my motivation by hitting the books and the gym, and all in all feeling a purpose again.
I’m writing this in the hopes that I can spread a bit of wisdom to those who were like me — feeling stranded, starved, and alone. I am but young, though I feel I have some wisdom to share, no matter how sparse.
- Take everything one day a time. Seriously.
One foot in front of the other, people. Don’t knock it. When there’s a period in life of absolute loneliness, depression, anxiety, and fuck-you-world feelings, looking at the ‘big picture’ of life can be daunting. I began to fear that my entire life would be nothing but a steady course of my current conjecture leading to, well, absolute god damn misery.
To counteract this, I’m taking things one day at a time and appreciating the small things: A good cup of coffee, a good read, a hard laugh with a friend, the fireplace at my favorite local coffee joint. Life is about moments.
2. Fear is a welcome mat, not an exit sign.
We’ve all heard the Roosevelt quote, right? “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Tired and cliche, yes, but it sticks around in the consciousness of society because there is so much truth to it. If I may be so bold, however, I’d like to make my own statement on fear:
Fear should be your guide in life. If you are afraid to do something, ask him/her out, talk to that professor, drop off that resume to a potential employer, etc. — get off your hindquarters and motivate. If you didn’t care about something deeply, you wouldn’t be afraid of it, you wouldn’t want it. There is no such thing as a fearless warrior. Act while you still can.
That being said, however, don’t make any rash or stupid decisions that could harm you or others: a gentle reminder.
3. When in doubt, pinky out.
Fancy livin’, here we come.
Rid yourself of all expectations of yourself, the world, and others around you. Never be afraid to stand out, talk funny, dress strangely, or be an outlier in this giant cumbersome math equation of humanity. The golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) is still key, but as I’m sure one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, would agree, strange is good. There’s a whole lot of NPC’s out there, so fuck it — be different. And don’t forget to put your pinky out.
Thanks for reading!
